ella midori
born :: january 31, 2008 at 1:20 pm
weight :: 8 lbs 5oz
after 22 very intense hours of induction/labour, baby ella was {finally} delivered by c-section
although not at all what was planned or imagined, her birth was the most magical, amazing and emotional experience of my life :: i am filled with more love and admiration than i ever thought possible
a little more time to recover and i'll be back :)
Another long lapse between posts. Partly because I now have to walk {waddle} about 15 minutes in order to access the internet. Partly because impatience has taken hold of me in the worst way. I just can't bring myself to spend time doing anything that requires concentrating. Or walking. Or sitting. Or waiting. Or reading. The discomfort of being 38 weeks pregnant is turning me into a big baby, which I'm not very proud of, but I can't seem to help myself. Sleep is non-existent. Comfort is a thing of the past. All I can focus on is the overwhelming anticipation of finally getting to meet my little daughter (which will hopefully be very soon). The anticipation is accompanied by a strangely calm nervousness about what my body is about to go through. While questioning my tolerance to pain, and all else that labour + birth will bring, accepting it as inevitable but purposeful is helping me keep it all in perspective. In other words, I'm not freaking out just yet. But don't hold me to that. There's still time!
Things may remain quiet around here for the next few weeks, but I do have some things to share so I will try to get another post in before littleone makes her arrival. Until then, know that I am sending warm thoughts your way and wishing I had even just a little bit of patience to catch up on all those lovely posts + photos I've been neglecting.
and warmest wishes for 2008!
We are still packing + moving + cleaning + unpacking. Slowly getting closer to finishing. Soon.
Moving while being 34 weeks pregnant has not been much fun :: only being able to do a tenth of what I would normally do, but still being exhausted and unable to move with backache by the end of the day has made me grumpy. Very grumpy. So has sleeping on an air mattress for two nights in a row. I should mention that the air mattress has a hole in it, which we have spent hours trying to find, and needs to be blown up with an air pump that sounds like a chain saw every two hours. Even littleone protested at the noise by vigorously kicking me in the ribs.
And then there's Oscar, our cat. He's being a little monster and his behavior seems to be directed towards me and only me. Biting me, scratching me, pouncing on my belly, pawing {and biting} my face to wake me up, meowing non-stop at all hours, following me everywhere. We've tried him on three different types of food, he gets lots of attention and is completely healthy. He is cute + cuddly with J and even the dog. I'm sure he senses that something is going on, I'm just not sure if it's the move or the pregnancy that's bothering him. We've moved several times while we've had him and he's always been very adaptable. Has anyone else noticed behavioral changes in their cat while being pregnant?
The kitty in this doesn't seem quite so bad, when compared to Oscar's current antics. Minus the baseball bat, of course!
In other news, I'm happy to say that I now have a slightly more stylish appearance than described last time. My vow not to buy anymore maternity clothes, in favor of pajamas, yoga pants and my husbands' t-shirts was broken. Not because I wanted to break the vow, but because I've - no, the belly - has grown out of everything resembling clothing in our house. The remedy :: a quick visit to Gap Maternity, some semi-stylish jeans and a couple of black tops to {hopefully} get me through the next six weeks. I'm going to leave out the part that preceded the trip to Gap, the part that involved crying on the floor of our walk-in closet. Ah, hormones, I'll miss you when this is over. Nobody else will. Just me.
I'll try not to be so grumpy next time, but sometimes you just need to vent, you know? Even if it's about silly things, like an extremely annoying cat or wardrobe issues or a leaky air mattress. One thing I have discovered over the past couple of weeks is that pregnancy is ridiculous + hilarious + embarrassing + utterly nerve-wracking, all at the same time :: sometimes the best way to deal with it is to vent and then laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds.
{the beginnings of a hat to bring littleone home in - more pictures here}
Except we haven't become millionaires overnight and aren't moving to Beverly Hills.
:: our sunday ::
After a quick trip to the farmer's market {where we always share a yummy vegetarian omelette, followed by an equally yummy strawberry + banana crepe...oh, how I love sunday mornings}, we spent the afternoon packing up the remaining boxes, disassembling some of our furniture and waiting for a prospective tenant to arrive for a viewing. In the end the person didn't come and although our car was packed to the brim with boxes and furniture, it was too late for us to drive anywhere. We decided we'd rather have a relaxing evening and watch a movie - so off we went to our local dvd store. Close your eyes and picture this :: a bright yellow SUV, parked in the middle of a massive parking lot, surrounded by festively decorated palm trees. The only distinguishing feature that made our car stand out was the two full-length bookcases strapped to the top and wrapped with an old quilt. Now picture me, heavily pregnant, wearing my comfiest yoga pants and a dusty white t-shirt that doesn't quite fit over the belly anymore, messy hair {similar to this}, waddling along next to J, in his ripped jeans and old t-shirt, holding our shopping :: a dvd, a carton of milk {for me}, and half a dozen donuts {for him}. I should say that he never eats donuts and rarely has a sweet tooth, but he had a
All that was missing was granny and her rocking chair.
We returned to our very empty home, curled up with Bailey + Oscar in bed and watched our movie. I drank my milk. He ate his donut. I complained about my backache. He complained that I take up too much of the bed. What happened to finishing a day of moving with pizza and a bottle of wine, like they do in the movies? Slightly more romantic than milk and donuts, but this is what memories are made of, right? You know, for all those "when I was 8 months pregnant with you..." stories. Oh baby, watch out :)
A wrap top for littleone, which, like the disappearing cardigan, is bound with sentimentality and meaning. Started during a time of overwhelming anxiety and helplessness :: finished during a time of resolution and moving forward. Not only that, but I loved the process of making it. The repetitive ribbing and unique construction providing just enough interest, without being overwhelming or complicated. The combination of knit + fabric...just think of the possibilities! And I love how it turned out. The color. The polka dots. The stretchiness. Perfect for a baby that will no doubt grow like a weed.
pattern :: wrap cardigan {second size}, written by the incredibly talented Alison of 6.5 st and is available here {the pattern is very well written - clear, concise and easy to follow - if you're nervous about sewing the knit piece to the fabric, just follow the directions and use lots of pins, it worked perfectly for me and I'm not the most experienced of sewers}
yarn :: debblie bliss baby cashmerino in color 340700 {it took 3 balls and about a meter of a fourth ball - this could have been avoided had the quality of the first two balls been better - they were each made up of 4 or 5 strands of yarn that were tied together, which meant lots of ends to weave in}
fabric :: can't quite remember the name of it, but it is from purl
Destined to become a somewhat modified version of the 'rosebud cardigan' from simple knits for cherished babies, these knitted pieces were started when I first found out about littleone : when no other knitting and no other sewing could even be contemplated, nevermind started. Row by row, each piece was slowly completed, holding it's own memories, recording milestones reached, growing along with the life inside me. I finished the last piece just a couple of days ago and excitedly started to sew the shoulder seams, the hemming {one of the modifications}, and finally knit the edging of the collar. With disastrous results. The shoulder seams don't match up and have holes where there really should not be holes. The hems don't lie flat and have completely stretched out. The aymetrical front pieces look awful {the second modification}. The buttonhole placement is completely wrong. Don't even ask about the collar. The arm and side seams remain unsewn. I was distraught {read : hormonal} and I angrily put it somewhere, somewhere out of sight, so that I didn't have to look at it anymore. Today I decided to face up to it and consider my options :: to rip it out + start over OR to keep it unfinished, knowing that the significance of each of those stitches would satisfy my need for sentimentality.
Now if only I could FIND it.
It is nowhere to be seen.
Disappeared.
Gone.
Perhaps it will turn up in some obscure moving box.
That will be unpacked months after the cardigan was intened to fit littleone.
Or maybe it will be in one of those boxes that remain unpacked and hide out in the attic or under the stairs, only to be discovered years from now.
...of a move...
which hasn't left much time or energy for anything but packing and day dreaming about being finished with the packing, oh and the unpacking that is yet to come :: there are still some details to be confirmed, so i'd rather not write about the move here until later, if that's okay {i am completely happy to answer any questions if you email me privately}
our first american thanksgiving was quiet :: just the two of us, some yummy fondue and a bottle of sparkling cider {baby-friendly, of course} :: knowing that there is no way i could replicate the delicious thanksgiving dinners that our mothers make each year :: missing the late autumn chill in the air, the falling of the leaves, the first stirrings of winter :: being thankful, cherishing these moments together, waiting to become three {three!!}
The first part of this isn't really about obsession, but rather the overwhelming love that is consuming me at the moment. Perhaps it's those pregnancy hormones again. Or maybe it's the process of becoming a mother. Suddenly savouring each and every moment I have with J, Bailey, Oscar and littleone has become so important, so essential. Much time has been spent reflecting upon the amazing things they give me each day :: the support, the love, the comfort, the smiles, the kicks {littleone}, the cuddles {bailey} + the bites {oscar}*. Just when I think I can't love J any more than I already do, he does something even more endearing or unexpectedly lovely. Like singing to littleone and kissing 'the belly' every night before bed. Or battling traffic and driving all the way to Santa Monica, just so I could go to wildfiber and buy some wool - I should mention that this was his idea, with no hints being dropped by me - he was worried that I don't get to do as many of the things I like to do anymore and wanted to spend his day off 'making me happy'. When we got home, he wound all of the skeins of koigu with my swift {he won't admit it, but secretly he loves doing this, partly because he bought it for me and partly because it's a 'cool-looking contraption'}. He also suggested that he take me to superbuzzy in Ventura on the weekend, so I can treat myself to some fabrics and books for making littleone's clothes. This is in addition to all of his 'new' responsibilities :: the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the shopping, the dog-walking, the kitty-litter, the ice-cream fetching, the doctors' appointments, the back-massaging, the preparing of warm baths {something I could do for myself, but when he does it, he always lights candles and uses my favorite lavender bath salts, which makes me smile to no end}, the picking up of anything that falls on the floor {something I really can't do anymore, unless I want to fall over}...pretty much everything. Did I mention that he's also becoming an expert in 'hot stone therapy'? He warms up polished river rocks {not too hot, of course} and makes a pattern on the small of my back...which, although it does soothe the aching, is worth it just to see the care he puts into the process :)
*okay, maybe the bites aren't 'amazing' in the true sense of the word - but Oscar is very much J's buddy and only wants to be near me when I let him knead my neck, accompanied by rough kitty licks and bites
So, on to the real obsessions now...planning littleone's wardrobe is providing me with more amusement than you can imagine and is serving as a very good distraction from everything else that is happening {mmm...no comment}, although I'm worried I'm getting a little carried away.
I've never sewn clothing before {nevermind tiny clothing} but have decided it's about time that I learned. So after studying Sew-U very intently for several hours and creating a smaller, more baby-sized dress pattern {the original was from Handmade Girls Clothing}, I pulled out some muslin and practiced. I loved every minute of it. The satisfaction of seeing it come together much faster than anything I have ever knit. Taking time to make the perfect seams. Realizing the possibilities. Compulsively, and perhaps somewhat frantically, a series of dresses and tops were sketched, and the perfect fabrics were selected, but not ordered. That's when my restraint kicked in.
Or perhaps it was the idea of making a collection of dresses/tops with coordinating handknits that stopped me in my tracks.
Yet more sketching. And more selecting, but not ordering. Then came the decision that every collection needs some basic pieces to layer with. Things that can't be made by me. Simple white and black tops, with leggings...yes, black or grey leggings {it may be too bold of me to ask for charcoal leggings}. Surprisingly hard to find in sizes 0-12 months. Lots of pink sparkly ones, though. Hmmm. Some more searching {black + white leggings/tops found - but not grey :: american apparel, pokkadots and babycenter}. During this search, I discovered Imps & Elfs, a designer of very modern childrenswear with an amazing selection of basics. Don't be disconcerted by the animation, just click on the heading and then explore the different collections. I especially fell in love with a grey dress {#72G637 from the fall collection for newborns on their site} that would look adorable with black leggings.
Enter yet another obsession - the idea that a garment can start out as one thing {a dress} and can later be worn as something else {a top} - a particularly useful trait since babies tend to grow so quickly. Inspiration strikes yet again. Simple lines, soft yarn, 3/4-length sleeves, room to grow...a sweater-like-dress, perhaps? Something that I can't find a pattern for, of course. But I did find a very cute photo of something similar. This idea needs some more time to flourish, I think.
In between all of this, there was a trip to wildfiber {as mentioned at the beginning of this incredibly long post - yikes - sorry! can you see that this is no longer a problem?} that resulted in the purchase of koigu, which doesn't quite fit in with the plans discussed above, but is lovely nevertheless. I couldn't resist buying the color in the photo above - mostly because I fell in love with these stunning socks and was so surprised they had the same color in stock. More photos/details of the damage here. The trip to superbuzzy was postponed because I'd like to get another Japanese pattern book for making little one's clothes, but can't decide which to get - do you have a favorite one? And has anyone tried to re-size the patterns to make them smaller? The way that I did it seemed to work, but in an almost 'too easy' way.
Whew, that was A LOT. And now I'm hungry. Again.
I just wanted to say thank you for everyone's warm wishes for our little nephew + his surgery :: he seems to be doing just fine now, although we wish we didn't live so far away so we could visit him.
Many things remain unanswered regarding our situation and we're hoping we'll have some clarity soon. This whole thing seems to be taking it's toll on Bailey, too. She really hasn't been herself lately, poor little girl. She has slept under a blanket on the sofa since first thing this morning and won't move, even at the suggestion of a treat or a walk. Normally we have to refer to these things as you-know-what's because if we don't she howls and jumps with such uncontrollable excitement. She just turned three and we've noticed that her face is becoming a little grey so maybe she's just getting older and calmer. A little sooner than we expected, but as long as she is happy + knows how much she is loved, it's okay with us.
Now only if the other little girl in my life would be a little calmer! Its like she's determined to kick my belly button out from the inside...or perhaps the scot in her has decided to take up highland dancing :) She doesn't seem to sleep...ever...and she's getting so strong that her kicks take me by surprise and with such force that they're generally accompanied with a loud 'owwww!!'...but kicking is good, right?
still on the needles :: squishy, red knitting
