the dotted line

little shoes ii

pattern :: saartje's bootees yarn :: rowan 4-ply soft

another pair of little shoes, modeled on ella

so this is what it's all about

I've had one of those days. One of those chaotic, nothing-seems-to-be-right-no-matter-what-I-do, deflating days which has left me wanting nothing more than to bury my head in a pillow and scream...or cry...or maybe a little of both. One of those trying-to-keep-everyone-happy-but-failing-miserably days. On top of this, I have a sick little girl to take care of and a husband that's away for the next week (oh, how I miss him!).

Amazingly enough, today has also been the day when Ella has exhibited 'separation anxiety' for the first time, as well discovered the meaning of 'crocodile tears' and 'power struggle'. Within one day, she has become so aware of everything and everyone around her and she doesn't know what to do with herself. She cries her 'hungry cry', takes a single sip of her bottle and then amuses herself by holding it upside down and watching it drip all over the carpet. Take the bottle away, she screams at the top of her lungs. Try to feed her, she screams at the top of her lungs. Put the cap on the bottle to stop the dripping, she screams at the top of her lungs. Try to distract her with another toy, she screams at the top of her lungs.

Somehow, amidst this utter chaos, there was a moment so beautiful that I would actually repeat this awful day over and over again if it meant I could experience that moment just once more. After dealing with several emotionally-charged phone calls, then several more phone calls about something entirely unrelated but equally stressful, a dog that has howled incessantly for hours and a baby that, despite being full of the cold, is desperate to crawl, but falls over and bangs her head every two minutes, I decided that enough was enough, the phone was going to be left unanswered, the dog was going in her kennel and the baby was going to sit in her bebepod seat while I had a hot shower and something to eat (breakfast at 4 pm). The gloriously hot shower lasted about 4 minutes before the dog started howling yet again from her kennel, which scared the over-tired and sick baby into inconsolable screaming, shaking, turning purple, tears streaming down her face, choking, sputtering, the whole deal. For an hour. Starving and exhausted, I collapsed on my bed with Ella in my arms. She started to calm, the heart-breaking screams slowly replaced by erratics sobs. We lay on our sides, staring into each others' eyes when she grabbed the neck of my sweater, pulled my face to hers and put her chubby little arms around my neck while nuzzling my cheek. With tears in my eyes, and her drifting to sleep, I tried to be as still as possible so I wouldn't break our first true embrace {despite the dog howling in the background and kids screaming at the top of their lungs outside our window - it's a miracle the phone didn't ring!}. All I could think to myself was "so this is what it's all about..." One little gesture of reciprocated affection, just when I need it most.